Friday, February 22, 2013

Ever been madly in love with a teenager?

I wrote this almost 4 years ago, when McKayla was starting high school....now as she recieves letters from college, and we make plans for her senior prom, and graduation; I can't help but feel my heart ache. It reminds me a lot of labor and how the pain was so purposeful, and worth it. I call her my "trial and error" child, because everything I know about being a mother is because of her.  She was the one who taught me what true love really means. She is the first person I would ever have truly given my life for, the very air I breathe, my own heart. Now, as she stands at the crossroads of her life, I can't help but hope I have done enough. I have always been honest with her about everything. I have never shielded her from my own weaknesses or sins. I have shared my heartaches and mistakes with her, in hopes that knowing that I have struggled; she would not have to.
She is the most beautiful girl I have ever known, and I am so proud of her....

(August of 2009  Mckayla Grace, my gracie girl, starts high school)

I can't help but me choked up today, as McKayla (our oldest) started High School. I watched her get ready, put on her make up, flat iron her hair, bee bop to the car (fight with her brother about who gets to sit in the front )  and ride quietly as we headed for school.
I was doing just fine. I didn't act sad in front of her even once.... but I did get some of those "you are embarrassing me" sighs, even though by then we had dropped off Mason; and she was the only one in the car (so who was I embarrassing her in front of?). I just asked once if she wanted me to park and get out or just drop her off. ;)
Anyway, I did start to panic a little when we pulled up and there was a mound of kids (some bigger than me) standing outside the school waiting for the bell. "Oh my Gosh", she is going to get out of the car and she will be standing there alone. My heart was pounding. I told her to quickly text her best friend so I could drop her off close to Macey...there is safety in numbers, right?
So she hops out of the car. She said "Love you" and that's all it took. The tears came, and they came, and they came. I called Jason thinking it would calm me down. I pulled it together long enough to ask him how the little girls did (starting 2nd and 5th), he was in charge of taking them. He said, "great, how bout Mckayla" and that's when I started sobbing. Seriously sobbing, like I can barely talk sobbing. He was laughing because he knows I generally have thicker skin than that (he who cried on Liv's first day of kindergarten). But not today. I actually started having flash backs of McKayla. I remembered her first day of Kindergarten. She screamed and cried because her sock seam didn't line up exactly with her toes, making herself late to school. Then half way through the day I got a phone call from her principal telling me she tried to run away from school to her Nana's house which was about a block away, because she was "ready to go".
Anyway, it got me to thinking about how fast the time goes. I remember my Lamaze teacher telling me to "soak it in", words I echo in my Lamaze classes today, but sometimes it's easy to forget how fast time really does go until your baby(weighing a little over 4lbs at birth, perfect in every way, sassy, and spitting fire from day one) jumps out of your car with a designer purse strapped to her shoulder and you realize what "soak it in" really means!



"You are the poem I dreamed of writing, the masterpiece I longed to paint.
You are the shining star I reached for in my ever hopeful quest for life full filled. You are my child. Now with all things I am blessed."
~ Author Unknown

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